Thank you for not smoking. Ever. I'm Serious.

I was showing property over the weekend, and my client was interested in looking at what I will call a "mystery house." A mystery house is a home that has been on the market an usually long time, for reasons that are not obvious from the price of the property or the photos. In the area where my client is looking, houses are selling pretty quickly, and this house has been on the market for almost six months. It had professional photos and floor plans posted, and nothing seems amiss. There didn't seem to be an easy explanation as to why it hadn't sold yet.

Experience told me that that question would be answered by visiting the home in person, and I was correct. To begin, the showing was requested about five hours in advance, and on a weekend. While I prefer to schedule showings a day ahead of time, that isn't always possible, and five hours is hardly the "Can we come see it right now?" level of inconsiderate real estate behavior. It took three and a half hours to get confirmation back that it was OK to show it. These days, most appointments are made online, and most homeowners simply click yes to a text on their cellphone to confirm an appointment, so even properties that are occupied by their owners usually confirm within a few minutes, a half hour at most. Strike one.

When we arrived at the property, there was a car parked in the driveway. I thought perhaps the owners were rushing around, trying to get the kids and the dog out, or the dishes done. We were about 10 minutes early, so my client and I chatted in the car and waited, but no one ever came out of the house. When our appointed time arrived, I rang the bell, and then proceeded to use the front door lockbox to obtain the keys. The key stuck in the door and didn't turn easily; I tried several times. I looked at the showing instructions that had been texted to me. I told my client that I would try to open the side door, thinking that perhaps the key was for that door. I was surprised by a man opening the side door, and he wasn't very friendly. Strike two. Nevertheless, we were in! Hallelujah! Then, the smell of cigarette smoke hit my nostrils. Aha, that's the reason, I thought. Strike three.

We all know people who smoke. 16.8% of all Americans are cigarette smokers. Many of us are former smokers. But when you are selling your home, it is the kiss of death. There is absolutely nothing that kills a buyer's enthusiasm for a home like cigarette smoke. Many buyers will turn around and leave, and not even look at your house. I am not exaggerating.

In fact, if the smell doesn't bother you, it might be a way to get a deal on a house, because it definitely bothers most people, and if you are willing to overlook it, you may be able to use it to negotiate a much lower price for the house. Buyers worry that the smell will linger long after the current owners move out, in the carpet, the curtains, the cabinets, and in the walls. To some extent, they are correct.

So what can you do? Take it as a sign: quit! (just kidding) Have your home, including curtains and furniture, professionally cleaned. And, if you cannot quit, take a walk and smoke. Far away from the house! (Just in case you were going to try it, the ashtray next to the back door is a major turnoff, and the smoke travels back into the back of the house anyway.) Honestly, it will make your home sell faster and for much more money if you do.